fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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