well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
