just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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