I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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