3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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