you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
