i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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