Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
