ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
