I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
