i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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