I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So. Much. Porn.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
