I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
