you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
