Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
