Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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