if i can run in heels then i can drive
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
