I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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