I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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