Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
