Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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