After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
