peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
