he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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