I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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