Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
