his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
