is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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