Don't you send me to vm
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
