I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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