well I can't set my house on fire every night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
