I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
