she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
