and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
