She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
