All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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