Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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