I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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