I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
