Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
