dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
