I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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