I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
