i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
