sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
