you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
