New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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