Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
