Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
