Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
