I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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