My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
