I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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