Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
