my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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