..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
