My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
