I wanna bring you to show and tell
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
did i just pee glitter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
